Have you ever noticed that the people you cross paths in life with who are the most critical of others are equally brutal on themselves?
There is no mystery in the idea that how we feel about ourselves creates the lens through which we see others, but it still does not make for a comfortable departure from a room when the person we sit with has nothing nice to say about others...do they in tern bad mouth us or make unfounded judgments when we leave the room? Rest assured that the negativity and critical nature of these people gives them a purpose for living and these types of folks tend to form groups as "misery loves company." There is a strange type of reinforcement and comfort in knowing that others are looking through the same lens. Healthy and happy people tend to congregate and create positive energy, helpful activities, exercise, eat well...negative people tend to do the opposite. Like a black cloud, they create self-centered groups of blame, drink alcohol excessively, claim to be victimized and taken advantage of, cheat on their taxes.
So, if you are one of the giving, positive people in this world and it makes you sad (as it does me) that the judgment and critical nature of others is so pervasive in our society...know that when you fall asleep at night with internal hope and good will to all things, their internal torture and paranoia is their consequence for taking what hate they have inside and turning it out to society.
If you find yourself to be hateful, judgmental and critical and want to change for the positive, the only way to make this happen is to begin with your internal schema, clean the emotional skeletons out of your own closet, ask for help from positive and healthy people in your life. It is a cycle of thought that you were probably taught as a child and know nothing different than projecting your anger and hatred outward. It may not have been your fault if you learned this from your parents or childhood attachment figures, but it is your fault if you do not start from right this minute to find the peace and serenity that come with making a change for a positive being.
Kenny Wolford, MA, LPC, LMFT
